Leaders

Good leaders build you up, they don’t tear you down. 

Lately, I’ve been talking a lot with others about what makes a great leader and it has reminded me of an experience I had as a first-year associate.  

At the end of the last day of a long trial, the senior partner turned to our trial team of five, and said, “Leave the boxes.” (This was when we brought physical copies of documents to court in dozens of bankers boxes.) “Erin will pack everything up and bring them back to the office.”

This was puzzling. Every day prior, as was the norm at this firm, we had packed up as a team, all pitching in from law clerk to partner. 

When the articling student offered to stay and help me, the senior partner bluntly cut her off, “No. Erin will do this herself.”

He then put on his coat and refused to make eye contact with me. 

The discussion was over. 

The others stood around awkwardly, not sure what to say or do, before finally putting their coats on too - end of trial drinks were waiting. As they were leaving, the junior partner looked at me and said: “You look like your dog just died.” I tried to laugh it off as my eyes filled with tears.

Because that was exactly how I felt: crushed.  And embarrassed. Humiliated. Ashamed.

As I remained behind, alone, packing the boxes, trying to hold back tears, I knew I had obviously messed up and was being punished for it. This partner was putting me in my place. But…the kicker was… I didn’t know what I had done wrong!

I worked hard, showed up early, did everything asked of me. I was perplexed. Did I miss a case in my research? Did I embarrass him in some way? I went over everything in my mind and when I came up with nothing, I felt even worse. I couldn’t figure it out. I was too stupid to even know what mistake I had made.

The thing is, this could have been a good learning experience. The partner could have talked to me about how I messed up or provided guidance on how I could improve as a junior lawyer. I would have appreciated that, no matter how awkward the conversation might have been. 

Instead, this partner chose to teach me a lesson by making me feel small. 

I knew then that if I ever was fortunate enough to lead a team, I would not be like this partner.

I would try to lift people up, not put them down. 
I would empower my team, not belittle them. 
I would give feedback to help them grow, not punish them for their mistakes. 

So, I guess this partner did teach me a very valuable lesson after all, although perhaps not the one he intended.